(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height) 

Dear Dogs and Cats:              
 
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
       
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall

faster than you can run.
       
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
       
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
       
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog’s or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
       
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
       
To All  Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
        1. They live here. You don't.
        2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the           furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
        3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
        4. To you, it's an animal.  To me, he/she is an           adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all           fours and doesn't speak clearly.
       
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
         1. Eat less
         2. Don't ask for money all the time
         3. Are easier to train
         4. Normally come when called
         5. Never ask to drive the car
         6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
         7. Don't smoke or drink
         8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
         9. Don't want to wear your clothes
       10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
       11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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I wonder.... if a dog was the teacher....would you learn stuff like???
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your hair to be pure ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting whern a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you\re not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY
.........................................................author unknown (from the Internet)